Ten years ago I was twenty and thought I had the world figured out. I had my own "buisness" and thought I was a success. It took many years and much hardship to find out what others had been tellin me all along. Although the road I was on brought me money, and allowed me a certain kind of freedom....it did not bring me happiness. True happiness did not come from money, or from women, or from drugs....although I tried every combination of the three. If one good thing came from this, it was that I found out who I am and what I want....or more importantly what I don't want. I did not want drugs in my life...at the end it had lost any appeal or pleasure. When you have to use to stay healthy the gig is up....and your left with two choices....1) change or 2)die. So I chose life....and because of that I have experienced so much more of what life has to offer....it's a choice that I encourage any of you that may be struggling with addiction problems to make.
CHOOSE LIFE! I look back at my old life and have very few regrets....of course there are a few, but we all have those...I am, after all, only human. That life brought me much pain, but without that I would never be who I am today. People ask why I don't drink or don't do drugs...I say "I just choose not too" most people are fine with that....others ask me if I have ever drank or used drugs....I usually respond with "I did drugs once...for ten years, quitting was the best thing I ever did." feel free to contact me if you have any questions or feel that you might want to change your lifestyle....I can certainly point you in the right direction....or just tell you about my experience.

Make the choice
Ryan

Free thought is the single greatest threat to those in power.  Nothing possesses the ability to cripple the established authority better than an idea.  Manipulation of free thought is a skill that all successful leaders possess, and the length of their reign is directly related to how long it can be concealed.  For this reason, free thought remains this worlds most precious and valuable resource. 

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the drug Remicade I will tell you a little about it, and how it has changed my life. This miracle of modern medicine is a monoclonal antibody against TNF-a (Tumor Necrosis Factor alpha). It's method of action is complicated even for those that have done their research. I'm still not entirely sure that the doctors know why it works so well. There are two types of Infliximab (remicade), the type I am on contains antibodies developed in mice. The other type, human antibodies, is available for those people that have an allergic reaction to the antibodies containing mouse proteins. It was assumed to work by blocking the action of TNF-α by preventing it from binding to its receptor in the cell. This still seems to be true. However, another TNF-α-neutralizing medication, etanercept (Enbrel), is worse than a placebo in Crohn's disease, so TNF-α-neutralisation is not responsible for its powerful action in the latter disease.[3] Infliximab causes programmed cell death of TNF-α-expressing activated T lymphocytes, an important cell type mediating inflammation, but etanercept does not have this activity; now, resolution of activated T cells by infliximab is generally assumed to explain its efficacy in Crohn's disease.
When you hear about the way it is produced it is similar to science fiction. Because antibodies are produced from one cell that is grown into a clone of identical cells it is known as a monoclonal antibody. If any of this interests you there are loads of research online.
Now to the part where it has changed my life. I feel like some positive feedback on this drug is nesessary because most of the people online only speak of the negative. As with any medication there are side effects, but few ever choose to talk about the positive changes since starting remicade. I have been on remicade for about two years. During that time I have been entirely symptom free. I have resumed eating spicy food and have even made up for the time that couldn't. Not only that but the nice lady across from me has Informed me that she has also been on it for a couple years and would be lost without it. This medication has allowed me to regain some sense of normality within my life. Previously I had spent years in and out of the hospital, for stays as long as 2-3 months at a time. That is a horrible way to live, waiting until your next flare.... This medication has given me freedom. The freedom to enjoy life and all that is has to offer. I take remicade for chrones but there are several conditions for which this medication works wonders. Rhumatoid arthritis, psoriasis, ankylosing spondylitis, psoriatic arthritis, and ulcerative colitis as well as some other auto immune disorders. I am actually getting an infusion right now and have about twenty minutes left....so this rant is coming to an end.
Until next time
Cheers
Ryan

It's Sunday Janurary twenty seventh, I'm back from vacation and have to rely on my rapid firing synapses for subject matter. With the traveling bug crawling under my skin, I find it hard to settle back in to the mundane routine of a responsible adult. There is, however, a simplistic happiness that comes from a comfortable life....a serene sense of security. The day to day routine of work, eat, and sleep is something that creates stability in my world....and when my mind grows legs and takes off on me...well...then I'm along for the ride. You take the good with the bad, love your family and remember to treat yourself once an awhile....
Find escape in healthy ways...a good book, a favorite record....smoke your cigarettes slow. Engage the moment like it is your last, because "life happens while your making other plans". Today I'm level, no racing thoughts....although my caffeine intake is well below its normal amounts. This calm will surely break....and as sure as the sky is blue, the crazy will spill out from within me....covering the canvas of my life. It will be the opinion of those which see the product that decides whether it is a work of art or simply a waste of a blank canvas and the potential that it holds....as for my opinion....I am happy with labelling it a work in progress.

We left our hotel room to catch a taxi around 8-8:15 so that we would be at the airport two hours before departure. London had just been hit with a hard couple days of snow and had already cancelled hundreds of flights. Constantly checking the status of our flights, we remained hopeful....they hadn't been cancelled when we left the hotel. When we checked in at the airport they informed us that London heathrow had infact cancelled our flights and directed us to the british airways ticket office so we arrange another way home. After waiting in line with the other stranded passengers we finally found ourselves at the front of the line. The kind women working there found us two direct tickets to Calgary....which would cut approximately three hours off our travel time! We were able to board shortly thereafter.
We settled in on KLM flight whatever from Amsterdam to Calgary, and started our journey back to the land of maple dipped doughnuts. I passed the time with movies, on board video poker and a little reading. Sitting beside me was a young German girl. She was on her way to Yellowknife to volunteer her time helping the natives of the area. She was seriously under dressed for the north, but filled with the excitement one gets when on a journey of self discovery. When we landed Shannon and I wished her luck and parted ways. Now back on Canadian soil we did what any true blooded hoser would do....went straight to Tim hortons for extra large double doubles! Although Europe has a historical romance and ambiance that is impossible to forget, I start to notice the things that I once took for granted....green space, free standing homes, and trucks. Although we are a new country, and lack the one thousand year old builings that still stand in Europe, we have a lot of luxuries that shouldn't be taken for granted.
So to sum up....
Breda is a beautiful city and would highly recommend staying there to anyone. I look forward to returning next summer. I will miss my friends, new and old, to whom I am especially thankful for making this vacation my best one yet...I will see you all again.
London, your welcome for giving you my hard earned dollars...it was worth every penny. Soho, Camden, Highgate cemetery, parliament, Westminster abby, Oxford st, Piccadilly circus, I will see you again someday.
And Amsterdam....I wish we had more than one night together. The absolute craziness of the red light district is a must for any traveler. There is no doubt that when we go again next summer that we will spend a few more nights walking around this amazing city.
It was an incredible few weeks, but all good things must come to an end...
Thank you all that followed this blog and shared the adventure
My adventure will continue and I will share my crazy thoughts here....on calculated catastrophe...please come along for the ride
Until next time...
Ryan.

We woke up early that day and took the high speed train from Breda to Amsterdam. This train travels at around 180-200km an hour. Once in Amsterdam we walked towards our hotel, only having a description of where it is and hauling our luggage thru the slush. We were cold and exhausted from a busy couple of weeks. We were told that this hotel (grand krasnapolski) is very famous and anyone should be able to point us in the right direction. We finally found it...we put one wet foot in front of the other and made our way out of the cold. Once inside we were instantly impressed by the hotel. The man at the front desk not only allowed us to check in early, but also upgraded us to a better room at no cost. We thanked him and took lift #5 up to our room. Our room was very clean and modern, with a bed big enough for five people. We had a few expresso's and a shower then made our way onto the streets of Amsterdam.

We walked around for a while looking in at the glossy eyes patrons of the various "coffee shops". We found a restaurant that looked legitimate and went in. Once we settled in at our table, I noticed an ashtray and got excited about another opportunity to have a cigarette while staying warm. The waitress then informed me that we were allowed to smoke in there, but only joints....no cigarettes. A little disappointed we ordered our lunch. I noticed that they were selling shirts behind the bar. The bar was called Grasshopper...and I didn't know how that never clued me in. The establishment housed a "coffee shop" in the basement, which was much busier than the resteraunt. Our meal was great, and once finished we made our way back outside....
The stores sold all sorts of edible treats...cookies, brownies, suckers...all made with either hash or weed. They also sold mushrooms. My wife and I, not being drug users did enjoy being in such an open atmosphere. We walked for hours....
I think it was around 4 or 5 when we started to notice that we were walking past prostitutes behind the windows. They were waving at us and trying to call us over. Not being tempted by the flesh of a hooker, we walked back towards the retail section. This wasn't our last time in the red light district.
We shopped for a few hours and went back to the hotel to drop off our purchases. It was close to 7-7:30 when we decided that we would go back down to the red light district and see what night life was like in Amsterdam. Things were much busier now...more people in the coffee shops and way, way, way more hookers. We had to check out a sex show, we knew we would be disappointed if we didn't see one. I won't go into what we saw in there....but it was exactly what it sounds like.
When we left we went for dessert at a chocolate shop....which was giving away chocolate that you snort....I asked the girl behind the bar if it was for show or if people actually insufflate that powder...she said that she had never but that people do it all the time. We left from there with some dessert and without chocolate in our noses.
We must have walked for a while again because when we got back to the hotel it was getting late. We ordered some room service and talked about our trip....sad that it was coming to an end. We packed our bags so we could leave for the airport in the morning....called the front desk for a wake up call and went to sleep.

I will post some more in a bit here.
Until then....
Cheers

We woke up late, my body has become unadjusted to staying up past 10pm... In a previous life it was not uncommon for for me to be up until the early hours of the next day, but in the life I have now....if I am up at 4am it is because I have to go to work. I will admit that the morning was probably a lot rougher for those waking up with a hangover. Our last day was supposed to be spent sightseeing some nearby nazi bunkers and other historical sights, but due to weather we chose to stay in the city. This turned out to be an incredible decision. We went downtown to do some shopping, and happened to cross paths with a squirel. This wasn't your average nut loving rodent, although he seemed nuts at the time. This was actually a full grown man in a squirel costume. It seemed odd but we didn't think much of it. We shopped for a while and the amount of people in costume kept multiplying. Soon the entire downtown was filled with people....people in elaborate costumes singing and dancing in the cold. It was an annual event that is somewhat like a pub crawl and is perhaps a way to get ready for the five day carnival they have every year. I have never witnessed something like this before....teams of people in costumes that put holloween to shame, marching bands, games, outdoor music, and pure happiness. The Dutch music was similar to polka type electro dance music and they played covers of American songs like sex on fire by kings of leon. Everyone sang along, throwing their hands in the air and having snowball fights. This was a true cultural experience and one of the most memorable days of our vacation. It was the perfect way to end the chapter of our stay in Breda.

It was sad to be saying goodbye to Tyler, Cecile, Kingston and Paige as I was, at this time, truely in love with Breda.

We went to bed early that night and prepared ourselves for Amsterdam. We managed to get a great deal on the grand Krasnapolski hotel...usually VERY expensive, Tyler said around 500 euros a night....we paid 79!

We set our alarm and went to sleep....

Let me start by saying what an amazing city Breda is...rich in culture and very laid back. Our friends made reservations at Bed, a new resteraunt which at night turns into a club. Supper couldn't have been better. After we met up with some of their friends and went to the casino. I as usual, didn't do very well at gambling...but as a group we broke even. Then when we left we went to a bar where it was packed with people....a bar in which smoking cigarettes was allowed! That is something that we didn't see much of in the Netherlands, but I'll get more into that later. We stayed there until about 1:30 and then went to another club (clubs were open til 4 am). This last club was called liquid...a club that was straight out of another decade....90's dance music, disco dance floor, and desperate people that had yet found someone to go home with. Although it wasn't the best spot, it was the company that made it worthwhile. We didn't stay long....and when we left we came across a fight tht was in the process of being broken up by the police. The chaos was exciting, and I even got a video of the police squashing the face of one of the fighters into the cobblestone road. Overall it was a great night...we met some amazing people and experienced breda nightlife.

After that we only had one day left there and planned to do some sightseeing...then off to Amsterdam for a night.

I just got home today and will post about our last two days when I get unpacked and cleaned up....and ps...you all will want to hear about our last day in Breda...it was one of the highlights of the trip.

Cheers

This evening we arrived back in Breda. The London portion of our trip is a blur of shopping, dinning and sight seeing. I am thankful for having this blog because reading my post is the only way I can remember what we have accomplished. London was exciting and overwhelming. Overall it was unreal and I can't wait to go back. Tomorrow we do some sight seeing followed with a night out with the friends we are staying with....they have arranged for a sitter and everyone is Loki g forward to it.

Goodnight

Ryan

England is cold and wet today, although the temperature is only -3 or -4 it feels much colder. The humidity here is around 86% and that air sucks the heat out of your body. This bus ride is long and there isn't much to do. Reflecting on our time in London and reading help to ease he pain of this excruciating ride. Believe it or not I am looking forward to coming home. This is mainly for a couple reasons
1: to see my dog Charlie.
2: an extra large double double